Falling Down

A not-so-brief explanation of my blog title. There are people (pretty much all of them) who have used the adjective "clumsy" to describe me. My mom thinks it is hilarious to say that I could trip over a Kleenex. I would attempt to act shocked by her comment, but since it's a fairly accurate statement, why bother? I do, in fact, fall down a lot.

It used to be the joke of deer hunting camp. Yes, I was allowed to carry a shotgun. Whether that was a good idea is a completely different issue. We'd be walking the cattails, plowed field, or to be honest, even a perfectly flat surface, and the others would hear: "Aaaaaahhhh!" followed by a thud. They'd turn around to find me nowhere in sight, and then hear "I'm okay" and a series of "oof"s as I struggled to hop back up dressed in thick coveralls and a huge jacket. It's a good thing I usually fell forward, because if I had tipped over onto my back I would have been like a turtle stuck on it's shell, legs flailing uselessly in the air until some kind soul picked me up.

A couple years ago on the way to a Christmas party I stepped out of my back door carrying a plate of cookies and somehow missed the step that had been there for two years. Completely faceplanted it and the cookies went flying into the snow. I had thought it would be festive to wear a headband with reindeer antlers and jingle bells, but due to the fall I showed up at the party disheveled, cookieless, and with one broken antler. Good times.

More than once, I've been mid-conversation with my mom when I've suddenly tripped and dropped my cell phone and had to yell "I'm okay!" because the phone had flown out of my reach and I needed a moment to check for injuries before crawling to retrieve the phone and resume our conversation. The time that happened when I fell down the basement stairs was especially traumatic in that I really did think I had broken my ankle and would need the phone to call 911 but it had flown out of my hand all the way across the room. I did yell "I'm okay!" to my mom but it took me a couple minutes to crawl to the phone that time!

The latest wipeout was New Year's Eve in the parking lot of Walmart. I slipped a couple times walking back to my car but managed to stay upright by doing those huge arm circle things and teetering back and forth. Until I was directly in front of a car about to pull into an empty parking space. Then my awesome body decided it was the perfect time to totally lose balance and biff it hard. My feet slipped out from under me and I went down on my knees, sending my purse, Walmart bag, and keys into the air. I was pretty sure I skinned my knee and possibly ripped my pants, but didn't have time to lay there and recover because this car was waiting to pull into the spot where I was sprawled. So I immediately hopped back up, pretending to be unhurt, and bent over to retrieve my scattered belongings, only to slip and fall again. Niiiice.

When I finally made it to my car I slammed the door and sat there trying not to cry. Amazingly there was no rip in my pants but there was a big dirt streak on both knees and I did skin my knees a little. Luckily though, it was only my pride that was the most injured. At least the car was able to stop in time to avoid hitting me, and they were kind enough to squelch their insane laughter until after I limped away. Small blessings, my friends, small blessings.